Hey sainath , you have been the one who guides me always in each street ..each path ..each stairs. I have felt on the top of the mountain sometimes and on the opposite felt like invisible and discarded too. But I did not know and even now I sometimes forget that YOU WERE WITH ME IN BOTH THE SITUATIONS , sharing my emotions and feelings . The thoughts of ego say I am so and so .. while you showed me its not so bad as it came to protect me from my grief and insecurity. The pain I had inside me converted into self boasting. For it to be diminished I have to first love myself enough .. and for that I HAVE TO FORGIVE MYSELF.
Its hard to forgive yourself!
Its hard to forgive others but its the hardest to forgive yourself :
If you can’t understand this completely its ok maybe your time to do this hasn’t arrive. But , when I decided to forgive myself baba played such a beautiful drama and brought someone in my life.
I asked answers from baba to my questions of others not treating me right and said ” Can’t they see the actual me is not so bad ? Why can’t they accept me like I do?”
It would not be wrong to say that my questions were framed around the limited part of the picture that was visible to me at that point of time.
While the truth is : You are your worst enemy . You are the one who doesn’t love you at all . Ohh , so much hatred that you can’t stand looking in your own eyes.😶 Its you who is not accepting yourself. Its you who is blaming you the most.
Its sad but its uplifting to know this. I know some of you must be thinking “its not true for me. ” But I will say “Just wait till you have such realisation.The truth will make you die . The truth will set you free of this life !”
I have seen myself crying and praying to baba to make me forgive myself . While it seems I am running from others but its been my wounds in shape of those people ,from which I was running away.
I have no guts to face that abrasion .. that laceration .. that stab .I can’t see those wounds ..raw and tortured parts of me by myself baba.
Its ok to know you have been the worst person
Sometimes , when I feel I am the superb most , I feel good. The elated mood of being praised asks me to be in touch always . But , it can not remain like this forever . Its not Sai! Its not the truth . Its a lie I am using to protect myself from the raw truth that seems too scary to look at.
Since the day I asked baba that I want to forgive myself , its been a journey which seems never ending , and I don’t know till when I am to embrace my wounds for them to heal. I feel lost sometimes . Sometimes feel out of love for myself . But, Baba fills my empty vessel of love again . Sometimes it feels like I don’t even deserve his love .. so deep are those wounds inflicted by me .
But again he reminds ” he is inside me . I can’t run away from me . I can’t run away from that love .And its hard to believe but like each being on this Earth ” I TOO DESERVE HIS LOVE””
Never be enough for me
I am listening this song today 👉 Never be enough. When I feel I am empty now ..no more love for anyone at all . He fixes my vision through such songs .
Is this ego or the anger that I hold against anyone else or me that important that I have to leave baba’s hand to hold these emotions close to my heart making even more wounds ?
And then the answer is too given by him like he is making me sing for him .
These emotions , these feelings can give me sympathy or maybe somewhat good feeling for a second or two but hold no worth when its compared to the bliss of holding Baba Sai’s hand !
“Darling without you , all the shine from a thousand spotlights ..all the stars we steal from the night sky will never be enough .. These hands could hold the world but it will never be enough for me”
The pleasures from any emotion .. the attachments I have with my past and pain , the sympathy I want to have, even if I get .. the love I feel I want to have from others ..even if found .. will never be enough for me .. without you Baba Sai!
I am feeling one of my deepest wound has healed today . He is an amazing healer!😊
Meet you soon.
MAY YOU FEEL THIS BLISS I AM FEELING RIGHTNOW EACH MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE.
Ya sai .
One thought on “Without you , it will never be enough for me Baba Sai !”
Om Sai Ram 🙏